Revelation.

This isn't a visual art piece. More of a verbal dissertation if sorts.

I've recently learned a lesson in success. What is success? Everyone asks. No one really knows. Does it mean a house? Does that house have to be fancy, or can it just be a house? I guess its how you define it. For me, Success [true Success, always has a capital S.] is basic. Really basic. Doing something I really love while getting paid for it. The price of "knowledge" today is really fucking ridiculous. Knowledge should be free. Why are we paying so much money to something that should be shared. Much like music. And prose. And performance. It means so much more when you can give something away for free to someone who really appreciates it than it does when someone you don't really know pays for it. I will say though- they are a very close tie. It feels so good when someone you don't know buys your work- because they actually like it and haven't known you since birth on. [Sorry, Auntie, but I still am super thrilled that you buy and display my art. I have the distinct opportunity to have my work in a Private collection. YEA!!!!]

Back to my thought. What do I really love? I love to paint, I love to cook, I love to have the opportunity to help out at my son's school no matter how much the little beastlings frighten me. Anyone who knows me, really knows me, knows that I hate most peoples kids. There are some exceptions, who I will not name as you know who you are, or at least your parents know who you are. I've learned that I really do not like working in an office. The first one I worked at [which only lasted a month!] I had my very first anxiety/panic attack. Fucking frightening. The second one I worked at 2 years [only for the resume credit. 2 years looks good. Better than one year.] and nearly divorced my husband. 2 years is 2 years too long to work opposite shifts & still attempt effective communication when you NEVER see each other. So glad I'm done with that. I love my husband dearly. And he loves me. I don't know why, but dammit, he does, and I love him all the more for it. I have been able to spend time with him, just being together. Being broke is always a strain on a relationship, but I'm really trying not to let it be. I hate it too. And I'm trying. I want to be happy. I want us to be happy. [for the record, folks: we are. Very happy. :)] I really love to learn new things. Or at least more about my favorite things. I'm a self taught artist. I am learning as I go, what to do, what not to do. How to run a business [sort of], how to paint to get the effect you want. Really do your homework & plan everything out- down to the fucking brushes you will be using. [Sorry, Sara~! I'll fix it!! You'll love it!] I love to cook. I'm an amateur chef in my own kitchen. Anyone who has eaten at my house can attest to that. Ask Fredward; he'll tell you. I'm get to learn all of the things that my girlfriend learned in her 9 years as a cook & chef all over Milwaukee. I'm super excited about that. [bonus: Joann!! I've missed her for 9 years!]

I have all of these really great things happening in my life- the things I've really worked for- and its all so basic. Simple happiness. Not the 'success can't happen until I've achieved x, y & z' bit. I am grateful I didn't have to work for my family. It came to me; disguised as the lesson I so clearly needed. And learned from. Thank you.



You know what? If all that isn't the definition of my Success, I don't know what is.

Thank you for reading.